美國模特霍莉·麥迪遜為不哀悼休·海夫納辯護:“他和我的每一次互動都是為了控制”

In the nearly 15 years since Holly Madison left the Playboy Mansion, she’s become a New York Times bestselling author, a mother of two and the host of the Girls Next Level podcast with her friend Bridget Marquardt. 

霍莉·麥迪遜離開花花公子大廈近15年來，她已經(jīng)成為《紐約時報》暢銷書作家、兩個孩子的母親，并與朋友布里吉特·馬夸特一起主持了“女孩新水平”播客。

But Madison spent some of her most-formative years in a relationship with Hugh Hefner, trapped in what she's described as a Playboy false paradise.

但麥迪遜在與休·海夫納的戀愛中度過了人生中最重要的幾年，她被困在她所說的花花公子虛假天堂里。

When Hefner died in 2017, Madison remained mum about his death — and it's a decision she stands by today.

當海夫納于2017年去世時，麥迪遜對他的死保持沉默——這是她今天堅持的決定。

“When he passed away, everybody expected me to have some big reaction or post about it on social media, and it just felt weird. I didn't have any emotional attachment to him anymore in any way,” she tells PEOPLE exclusively. 

“當他去世的時候，每個人都希望我有一些大的反應，或者在社交媒體上發(fā)布，這感覺很奇怪。我對他已經(jīng)沒有任何情感依戀了，”她對《人物》雜志獨家說道。

Before his death, Madison had also gone public with the trauma she faced after dating Hefner in her book Down the Rabbit Hole.

在海夫納去世之前，麥迪遜也在她的書《兔子洞》中公開了她與海夫納約會后所面臨的創(chuàng)傷。

“I'd already come out talking about what a toxic relationship this was for me,” she says. “Why am I supposed to post a memorial on my Instagram?”

她說:“我已經(jīng)說過這對我來說是多么有害的關系。”“為什么我要在我的Instagram上發(fā)布紀念?”

Still healing from her years in the Playboy Mansion at the time, Madison — who says she developed body dysmorphia due to Hefner's constant judgment — felt a range of emotions when he died. 

麥迪遜說，由于海夫納不斷的評判，她的身體出現(xiàn)了畸形。當海夫納去世時，她感到了一系列的情緒。

“Not relief at all, because I felt like I had taken myself kind of out of that universe pretty solidly. But it was a really odd time,” she recalls. “For me, after leaving that relationship, I kind of felt like he had always interacted with me in such a fake way. Because every interaction he had with me was all about control or this fantasy he had of a relationship. It almost felt like playing house in a way.”

“一點也不輕松，因為我覺得我已經(jīng)把自己帶出了那個宇宙。但那真的是一段奇怪的時光，”她回憶道。“對我來說，在離開這段關系后，我覺得他總是以一種虛假的方式與我互動。因為他和我的每一次互動都是關于控制或者他對我們關系的幻想。在某種程度上，這幾乎就像過家家一樣。”