暮光之城?暮色 第198期:第十二章 平衡(14)

[00:00:19]Are you sure? “你確定?” [00:02:00]Absolutely, Dad. Besides, the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish — we're down to a two, maybe three years' supply. “完全肯定，爸爸。還有，冰箱里的魚少得有點危險——我們只剩下可吃兩年，或者三年的存量了?！? [00:11:12]You're sure easy to live with, Bella. He smiled. “你能撐得過去的，貝拉?！彼α似饋怼? [00:15:01]I could say the same thing about you, I said, laughing. The sound of my laughter was off, but he didn't seem to notice. “對你我也可以這樣說?！蔽艺f著，大笑起來。我的笑聲有些突兀，但他沒注意到。 [00:22:17]I felt so guilty for deceiving him that I almost took Edward's advice and told him where I would be. Almost. 我為欺騙他而深感內(nèi)疚，幾乎就要采納愛德華的建議，告訴他要去那里了。只是幾乎。 [00:29:53]After dinner, I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer. Unfortunately it was the kind of job that only keeps hands busy. 晚飯后，我把衣服疊好，又放了一堆進(jìn)烘干機(jī)。不幸的是，這種工作只能讓手忙著。 [00:37:19]My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. 我的腦子依然無所事事，于是它完全失控了。 [00:41:53]I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. 我在兩種念頭間動蕩不安著，一方面我的期望是如此的強(qiáng)烈以致于這種感覺幾近痛苦，而另一方面一種潛伏著的恐懼正蠶食著我的決心。 [00:50:30]I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my choice, and I wasn't going back on it. 我不得不一再地提醒自己，我已經(jīng)作出了我的選擇，而且我不打算回頭。 [00:55:16]I pulled his note out of my pocket much more often than necessary to absorb the two small words he'd written. 我太過頻繁地把他的字條從口袋里拿出來看，汲取著他所寫的兩個小小的字。 [01:01:55]He wants me to be safe, I told myself again and again. 他希望我平安，我一遍又一遍地告訴自己。 [01:06:12]I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. 我只需要堅信著這一點，最終，這個渴望將戰(zhàn)勝一切別的念頭。 [01:11:48]And what was my other choice — to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. 而我的另一個選擇——把他從我的生活里剔除掉又會怎么樣呢?這將是我生命中不能承受之痛。 [01:17:44]Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him. 此外，從我來到?？怂箷r起，他就已經(jīng)成為了我的生命中的一切。 [01:24:29]But a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very much… if it ended badly. 但在我心底的一個小小的聲音在擔(dān)心著，想知道這會不會非常地讓人受創(chuàng)……如果結(jié)局不好的話。 [01:30:27]I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. 當(dāng)時間已經(jīng)太晚，已經(jīng)到了睡覺時間的時候，我很是寬慰。 [01:36:10]I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. 我知道自己太緊張，根本沒法睡著，所以我做了一件我從沒做過的事。 [01:41:06]I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine — the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. 我故意吃了點感冒藥，盡管我并不需要——這種藥片能讓我昏睡過去，好好地睡上八個小時。 [01:46:40]I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself, 正常情況下我不會寬恕自己的這種行為， [01:50:52]but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else. 但明天的情況已經(jīng)夠復(fù)雜的了，我沒有必要在所有別的事情之外，再雪上加霜地讓自己因為睡眠不足而昏昏沉沉。 [01:58:11]While I waited for the drugs to kick in, I dried my clean hair till it was impeccably straight, and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow. 在我等著藥物生效的時候，我擦著自己洗得干干凈凈的頭發(fā)，直到它直得無懈可擊為止，然后焦躁不安地準(zhǔn)備好明天要穿的衣服。

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