人總是在自我反省和他人的反饋中逐步提升自己。他人的反饋,包括對(duì)你的建議和評(píng)價(jià),而這些建議和評(píng)價(jià)不總是在夸你或者認(rèn)可你。大多數(shù)人只聽(tīng)認(rèn)同自己的好話,別人說(shuō)了他半點(diǎn)不好或是不對(duì),便在心理上無(wú)法接受,要么立即屏蔽這些在他看來(lái)負(fù)面的建議,當(dāng)耳旁風(fēng);要么就和提出反對(duì)建議的人據(jù)理力爭(zhēng)。
在面對(duì)別人的負(fù)面評(píng)價(jià)時(shí),出于本能,我們內(nèi)心會(huì)不開(kāi)心,因?yàn)檫@種負(fù)面評(píng)價(jià)貶低了我們的自尊。但如果換個(gè)角度來(lái)思考,他人若是能提出這些在你看來(lái)貶低自己自尊的建議,必然說(shuō)明他們看待問(wèn)題的角度和你不同。而我們要得到真正的提升,其實(shí)就是要從不同的角度全面審視自己,發(fā)展自我。
所謂“忠言逆耳”,當(dāng)別人提出不討好你的建議時(shí),首先你要非??陀^地面對(duì)這些“忠言逆耳”的建議,其次,別人提出的建議也不一定完全客觀,你一定要站在自己的角度和立場(chǎng)針對(duì)性的選擇一些適合你自身情況的建議;第三,即使別人說(shuō)你不好,也不要放在心上,甚至懷疑自我,因?yàn)橛袝r(shí)也很難保證別人說(shuō)的這些話不是有目的的傷害你或是利用你。
包容地看待一切,但一定要清晰自己的方向。今天分享一篇英語(yǔ)美文,叫做Golden Advice,文章講述了關(guān)于得到別人負(fù)面建議時(shí)的故事。
New Words:
shortcoming n. 缺點(diǎn);短處
wonder vi.想知道;
be of help有幫助,有用
When I was about 12, I had an enemy, a girl who liked to point out my shortcomings. Week by week her list grew: I was very thin, I wasn't a good student, I talked too much, I was too proud, and so on. I tried to bear all this as long as I could. At last, I became very angry. I ran to Daddy with tears in my eyes.
大約12歲時(shí),我有一個(gè)仇人,那是一個(gè)喜歡指出我缺點(diǎn)的女孩。一周周過(guò)去,她給我列的缺點(diǎn)來(lái)越多:我很瘦,我不是好學(xué)生,我太愛(ài)說(shuō)話,我太驕傲。我盡量長(zhǎng)時(shí)間地忍受這些。最后,我變得非常生氣,就含淚跑去見(jiàn)爸爸。
He listened to me quietly. Then he asked, "Are the things she says true or not? Allen, didn't you ever wonder what you're really like? Well, you now have that girl's opinion. Go and make a list of everything she said and mark the points that are true. Pay no attention to the other things she said."
爸爸靜靜地聽(tīng)我說(shuō)完。隨后,他問(wèn)道:“她說(shuō)的這些是不是真的? 愛(ài)琳,難道你不想知道自己的真實(shí)模樣嗎?那么,你現(xiàn)在有了那個(gè)女孩的意見(jiàn)。去把她所說(shuō)的一切都列下來(lái),在對(duì)的上面打分。對(duì)她所說(shuō)的其他事情不要在意。”
I did as he told me. To my great surprise, I discovered that about half the things were true. Some of them I couldn't change (like being very thin), but a good number I could-and suddenly I wanted to change. For the first time I got a fairly clear picture of myself.
我按照爸爸說(shuō)得去做了。令我大為驚訝的是,我發(fā)現(xiàn)大約一半都是對(duì)的。其中有些我無(wú)法改變(比如很瘦),但好多我可以改變,而且突然我想改變。我第一次對(duì)自己有了一個(gè)相當(dāng)清晰的印象。
I brought the list back to Daddy. He refused to take it. "That's just for you," he said. "You know better than anyone else the truth about yourself. But you have to learn to listen, not just close your ears in anger and feel hurt. When something said about you is true, you'll find it will be of help to you. Our world is full of people who think they know your duty. Don't shut your ears. Listen to them all, but hear the truth and do what you know is the right thing to do."
我將這個(gè)清單送給爸爸。他沒(méi)有去接。“那只是給你的,”他說(shuō),“你比任何別得人更清楚自己真實(shí)的一面。但你必須學(xué)會(huì)去聽(tīng),不要生氣地閉上耳朵, 感覺(jué)受了傷。當(dāng)說(shuō)到得有關(guān)你的事情是對(duì)的時(shí),你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)那會(huì)對(duì)你有幫助。我們的世界充滿了那些自認(rèn)為知道你的責(zé)任的人。不要閉上耳朵。要聽(tīng)他們所有的人的話,但要聽(tīng)到真話,做你知道是正確的事情。”
Daddy's advice has returned to me at many important moments. In my life, I’ve never had a better piece of advice.
爸爸的建議在很多重要時(shí)刻都回響在我的耳邊。一生中,我從來(lái)沒(méi)有聽(tīng)過(guò)比這更好的建議。
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