In the film tonight there was a joke that the state of being in love was the happiest way of being miserable. So be miserable happily, don’t look over your shoulder too much, enjoy what is, so far as you can, and remember the old, wise tag ‘Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday’. I am a born worrier myself, but feel I could be all that you wanted me to be. Probably more important, I know that you are what I want, not in any limited sense, but in all. I want to confide in you. I want to creep into you. I want to protect you. That I am not capable is unimportant, what is significant is that you should think I am.
今晚的電影中有一則趣聞,說陷入愛河是痛苦中最快樂的方式。所以,快樂地享受痛苦吧,莫要過多地回首往昔,盡你所能享受當(dāng)下,記住那句古老且明智的箴言:“今天是昨天擔(dān)憂的明天”。我生卻杞人憂天,但是我自信能夠成為你想要我成為的那種人。也許更重要的是,我知道你就是我想要的那個(gè)人,不是在任何某種限定的意義上,而是在方方面面。我想向你吐露心聲。我想與你耳鬢廝磨。我想此生護(hù)你周全。我有無能力并不重要,重要的是你相信我能做到。
My hands cannot caress you, my words strive hard to tell you all the things I dare. You spoke of yourself being ‘guilty of slobbering’ – it’s no crime. I am proud of it. If your incoherent babblings mean what mine do, it’s jolly good. Don’t worry about being bounced out of favour, and try to grow out of this engulfed – nothing belongs to oneself’ feeling. Regard me as a promise rather than a threat, and pick holse in me where you can – so that I seem less regal. Remember we are both in this together, and that it has somehow occurred undesignedly, unrehearsed, because we had it in us. Yes, I wish that I was with you. But life is hard – wishing won’t make it easy. My thoughts are with you far too often for my physical serenity and my mental equilibrium. During the day I simply lap you up and cause trouble at night. Engulfed describes my state, too, a rather floundering, uncertain one.
雙手無法愛撫你的胴體,寥寥數(shù)語也難訴我(為你)赴湯蹈火的衷腸。你說有“垂涎”的罪惡感——這并不是罪惡。我為此感到自豪。如果你的語無倫次跟與我的胡言亂語不謀而合,那簡直太好了。無需憂慮一片癡心錯(cuò)付,要試著擺脫這種被吞沒的感覺——一個(gè)人的情感是沒有附屬的。視我為一則承諾而不是威脅,用挑剔的眼光審視我吧——好消散我身上“神圣的光環(huán)”。你要謹(jǐn)記,我倆陷入了愛河,緣分就是冥冥之中降臨的,讓人措手不及,是愛讓我們相逢。沒錯(cuò),我希望能陪伴你身側(cè)。奈何生活艱辛——空想也是徒勞。無時(shí)不刻都在想念你讓我的身心平靜。白天,擁你在懷,夜晚,床榻纏綿。我也被這種臆想“吞沒”著,這樣的狀態(tài)十分掙扎,如夢(mèng)如幻。
I wonder what you look like. Don’t have a special photograph taken. I know you haven’t a bus-back face but I have never looked at you as now I would. I wonder how many times I have seen you, and how many we have been alone. Now my foolish pulse races at the thought that you even have a figure. I want, very much, to touch you, to feel you, to see you as you naturally are, to hear you. I want to sleep and awaken with you. I want to live with you. I want to be strong and I want to be weak with you. I want you.
我很好奇你的長相。不要拍太特別的照片。我知道你長相出眾,但是我從來沒有像現(xiàn)在這樣審視你。我不知道我見過你多少次,也不知道我們獨(dú)處了多少次。現(xiàn)在一想到你曼妙的身段,我那不受控的脈搏就開始加速了。我渴望撫摸你,感受你,欣賞你最自然的模樣,聆聽你的呢喃。我想與你相擁而眠相視醒來。我想和你一起生活。無論順逆,只愿與你攜手共度。我,只想要你。
I want my letters to be of interest, so please let me know how and what you want me to write. On occasions, you’ll understand, I may not be in a position to write.
希望我的信不是太乏味,如果對(duì)寫信的方式和內(nèi)容有任何建議,請(qǐng)一定告知。有時(shí)候,你也理解,我可能不擅長寫信。
Let me know if you think I am mad. When my signature dries I am going to kiss it. If you do the same, that will be a complete (unhygienic) circuit.
如果你認(rèn)為我瘋了,請(qǐng)務(wù)必告訴我。當(dāng)我的簽名風(fēng)干后,我會(huì)親吻它。如果你也這樣做,這也算是(不太衛(wèi)生的)“禮尚往來”了。
Yours,
愛你的,
Chris
克里斯
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