2023年02月02日 Jinger Duggar 分享了丈夫 Jeremy Vuolo 如何幫助她不再是一個(gè)“討人喜歡的妻子”

In an exclusive interview with E! News, Becoming Free Indeed author Jinger Duggar shared a rare look into her marriage to Jeremy Vuolo. Learn how the Counting On star grew in confidence.
在 E! 的獨(dú)家專(zhuān)訪(fǎng)中 新聞，《成為自由人》的作者 罕見(jiàn)地分享了她與 的婚姻。了解明星如何增強(qiáng)信心。
 
Jinger Duggar Vuolo finally feels free to be her most authentic self.
Jinger Duggar Vuolo終于可以自由地做最真實(shí)的自己。
 
While growing up on TLC's 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On, the 29-year-old was convinced that obeying her family's rules and traditions from the Institute in Basic Life Principles was the secret to a good life. But as she recounts in her new book Becoming Free Indeed, Jinger went on a "disentangling journey" from those practices that wouldn't have been possible without her husband Jeremy Vuolo.
這位 29 歲的女孩在 TLC 的19 個(gè)孩子和計(jì)數(shù) 和 計(jì)數(shù)中長(zhǎng)大，她堅(jiān)信遵守基本生活原則研究所的家庭規(guī)則和傳統(tǒng)是美好生活的秘訣。但正如她在她的新書(shū)《成為真正的自由者》中所敘述的那樣，金格從那些沒(méi)有她丈夫杰里米·沃洛 (Jeremy Vuolo )的情況下不可能實(shí)現(xiàn)的做法開(kāi)始了一段“解脫之旅” 。
 
"Jeremy has been so kind throughout this entire process," she told E! News in an exclusive interview. "He's been so patient with me because I know it must be so hard for him to see these wrestling's. There are long days where it's just emotionally taxing and hard and he has only been there to support me, to help me, to cheer me on."
“杰里米在整個(gè)過(guò)程中都非常友善，”她告訴 E！獨(dú)家專(zhuān)訪(fǎng)中的新聞。“他對(duì)我一直很耐心，因?yàn)槲抑浪吹竭@些摔跤比賽一定很難。有很長(zhǎng)的日子，這只是情緒上的負(fù)擔(dān)和艱難，他只是在那里支持我，幫助我，為我歡呼在。”
 
When she was first courted by Jeremy—who is also a Christian with a reformed-Baptist pastor father, but not a member of IBLP—in 2016, Jinger said she was always concerned about being agreeable with her boyfriend and not having her own opinion.
當(dāng)她在 2016 年第一次被杰里米（他也是一名基督徒，父親是改革宗浸信會(huì)牧師，但不是 IBLP 成員）向她求愛(ài)時(shí)，金格說(shuō)她總是擔(dān)心能否與男友相處并且沒(méi)有自己的意見(jiàn)。
 
"I wouldn't really think for myself," she said. "I would just think, ‘What's the right answer?' or ‘What do I think I should say to him right now?'"
“我不會(huì)真的為自己考慮，”她說(shuō)。“我只是想，'正確的答案是什么？' 或者‘我覺(jué)得我現(xiàn)在應(yīng)該對(duì)他說(shuō)什么？’”
 

 
But after spending more time with the former professional soccer player, Jinger learned she could be anything she wants.
但在與這位前職業(yè)足球運(yùn)動(dòng)員相處了更多時(shí)間后，靜兒了解到她可以成為任何她想要的人。
 
"Jeremy just encouraged me to not be someone I'm not, but just to be myself and feel comfortable and share my own opinions and have opinions on life," she said. "I thought I had to be this agreeable wife. That way I would be safe."
“杰里米只是鼓勵(lì)我不要成為我不是的人，而只是做我自己，感到自在，分享我自己的觀點(diǎn)，對(duì)生活有自己的看法，”她說(shuō)。“我想我必須做一個(gè)討人喜歡的妻子。那樣我就安全了。”
 
In November 2016, Jinger and Jeremy exchanged vows and the couple are now parents to daughters Felicity, 4, and Evangeline, 2.
2016 年 11 月，Jinger 和 Jeremy 交換了誓言，這對(duì)夫婦現(xiàn)在是 4 歲的女兒Felicity和2 歲的Evangeline的父母。
 
In another major life change, Jinger said goodbye to her parent's hometown in Arkansas—where she and her 18 siblings grew up—and now lives in Los Angeles where she is considering putting her kids in public school.
在另一個(gè)重大的生活變化中，Jinger 告別了她父母在阿肯色州的家鄉(xiāng)——她和她的 18 個(gè)兄弟姐妹在那里長(zhǎng)大——現(xiàn)在住在洛杉磯，她正在考慮讓她的孩子上公立學(xué)校。
 

 
"We have an awesome community around us, really good, solid friends that we love to hang out with," she explained. "I think it's crazy how many amazing schools there are here. We haven't decided yet what we're going to do for Felicity. I don't think I want to homeschool her through."
“我們周?chē)幸粋€(gè)很棒的社區(qū)，非常好的、可靠的朋友，我們喜歡和他們一起出去玩，”她解釋道。“我覺(jué)得這里有這么多很棒的學(xué)校，真是太瘋狂了。我們還沒(méi)有決定要為 Felicity 做什么。我不認(rèn)為我想讓她在家上學(xué)。”
 
And while Jinger's childhood may have been documented for millions of viewers to see, she has decided to take a different approach with her own daughters.
雖然靜兒的童年可能已被記錄下來(lái)供數(shù)百萬(wàn)觀眾觀看，但她決定對(duì)自己的女兒采取不同的方式。
 
"We felt really strongly about giving our kids privacy and allowing them to choose if they wanted to be in the public eye or not," she shared. "We'll see what they choose. For now, we're just protecting their privacy until they can choose what they want to do."
她分享道：“我們非常強(qiáng)烈地希望給予我們的孩子隱私，并允許他們選擇是否愿意出現(xiàn)在公眾視線(xiàn)中。” “我們會(huì)看看他們的選擇。目前，我們只是保護(hù)他們的隱私，直到他們可以選擇他們想做的事情。”
 
For more candid confessions from Jinger and her new book Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear, keep scrolling.
如需 Jinger 和她的新書(shū)《確實(shí)變得自由：我擺脫恐懼的信仰的故事》的更多坦白，請(qǐng)繼續(xù)滾動(dòng)。
 
We independently selected these deals and products because we love them, and we think you might like them at these prices. E! has affiliate relationships, so we may get a commission if you purchase something through our links. Items are sold by the retailer, not E!. Prices are accurate as of publish time.
我們獨(dú)立選擇了這些交易和產(chǎn)品，因?yàn)槲覀兿矚g它們，并且我們認(rèn)為您可能會(huì)以這些價(jià)格喜歡它們。電子！有關(guān)聯(lián)關(guān)系，因此如果您通過(guò)我們的鏈接購(gòu)買(mǎi)商品，我們可能會(huì)獲得傭金。商品由零售商而非 E! 出售。價(jià)格在發(fā)布時(shí)是準(zhǔn)確的。

 
 


Cue the Sun
提示太陽(yáng)
 
Jinger Duggar Vuolo writes that she and husband Jeremy Vuolo not only didn't go on any movie dates while they were courting in 2016—they never watched a movie together until their honeymoon.
Jinger Duggar Vuolo 寫(xiě)道，她和丈夫Jeremy Vuolo 在 2016 年求愛(ài)期間不僅沒(méi)有參加任何電影約會(huì)——他們?cè)诙让墼轮皬奈匆黄鹂催^(guò)一部電影。
 
And that film was The Truman Show, which Jinger—who had been on TV in one reality show or another since she was 10—promptly compared to her own life, "except for the spouse-picking part."
那部電影就是《杜魯門(mén)秀》，金格——她從 10 歲起就在一個(gè)或另一個(gè)真人秀節(jié)目中上過(guò)電視——立即將其與她自己的生活進(jìn)行了比較，“除了擇偶部分。”
 
"Five of my siblings took their first breath on television," the 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On star notes. "That makes them, like Truman Burbank, reality stars at birth."
“我的五個(gè)兄弟姐妹在電視上第一次呼吸，” 19 Kids 和 Counting  and  Counting On 明星筆記。“這讓他們像杜魯門(mén)·伯班克一樣，一出生就成為真人秀明星。”

 

 
#FreeJinger? Thanks, But No
#FreeJinger？謝謝，但是沒(méi)有
 
Just because she was a little insulated growing up doesn't mean Jinger wasn't online—and she saw when Television Without Pity's frequent Duggar musings spun off into the "Free Jinger" discussion board. Mainly, as far as she could tell, because she particularly enjoyed as-seen-on-TV family trips to New York, Chicago, London and other big cities.
僅僅因?yàn)樗诔砷L(zhǎng)過(guò)程中有點(diǎn)與世隔絕，并不意味著 Jinger 不在線(xiàn)——當(dāng) Television Without Pity 頻繁的 Duggar 沉思進(jìn)入“釋放 Jinger”討論版時(shí)，她看到了。據(jù)她所知，主要是因?yàn)樗貏e喜歡在電視上看到的紐約、芝加哥、倫敦和其他大城市的家庭旅行。
 
"They assumed that if I wanted to live in a big city"—which was true—"that also meant I wanted to break away from the values of my childhood, since most cities are overwhelmingly secular," Jinger writes. She also suspects the critics singled her out because they thought her name was "funny."
“他們認(rèn)為，如果我想住在大城市”——這是真的——“那也意味著我想擺脫童年的價(jià)值觀，因?yàn)榇蠖鄶?shù)城市都非常世俗，”靜格寫(xiě)道。她還懷疑評(píng)論家挑出她是因?yàn)樗麄冋J(rèn)為她的名字“很有趣”。
 
She found the "Free Jinger" sentiment "caring" but misguided, as she didn't see being able to do whatever she wanted without considering how it went against her or her family's religion to be her idea of "free."
她發(fā)現(xiàn)“自由靜兒”的情緒是“關(guān)懷”的，但卻被誤導(dǎo)了，因?yàn)樗J(rèn)為在不考慮她或她家人的宗教信仰如何違背她的“自由”觀念的情況下，她無(wú)法做任何她想做的事。
 

 
Jinger Wasn't Even Honest With Her Diary
靜兒甚至對(duì)她的日記都不誠(chéng)實(shí)
 
With Duggarmania in full swing, 14-year-old Jinger's stolen diary wound up listed on eBay for $100,000 in 2008.
隨著 Duggarmania 的全面展開(kāi)，2008 年 14 歲的 Jinger 被盜的日記以 100,000 美元的價(jià)格在 eBay 上掛牌。
 
However, she writes, the girl who tried to sell it—after taking it from Jinger's room during a visit to the Duggar home—ended up returning it a few weeks later, perhaps having realized "there was hardly anything shocking for the thief to turn into a profit.
然而，她寫(xiě)道，試圖出售它的女孩——在拜訪(fǎng) Duggar 家時(shí)從 Jinger 的房間里拿走它——最終在幾周后歸還了它，也許是意識(shí)到“小偷幾乎沒(méi)有什么令人震驚的東西轉(zhuǎn)向變成利潤(rùn)。
 
And Jinger still has it to this day, the journal serving as a time capsule of the person she wasn't.
直到今天，靜兒還保留著它，這本日記充當(dāng)了她不是那個(gè)人的時(shí)間膠囊。
 
"When I read it today, I'm struck by what is missing," she writes. "I was afraid to say the wrong thing; to confess my inner desires even in a diary. I didn't express any of the feelings and fears that were a constant part of my childhood. Rather than serving as a true chronicle of Jinger Duggar's inner life, my diary was yet another place of performance: a tool where I practiced projecting the version of myself that I wanted everyone—parents, siblings, friends, or fans of the show—to see."
“當(dāng)我今天讀到它時(shí)，我對(duì)缺失的內(nèi)容感到震驚，”她寫(xiě)道。“我害怕說(shuō)錯(cuò)話(huà)；即使在日記中也不敢坦白我內(nèi)心的渴望。我沒(méi)有表達(dá)任何童年時(shí)常有的感受和恐懼。而不是作為 Jinger Duggar 的真實(shí)編年史內(nèi)心生活，我的日記是另一個(gè)表演場(chǎng)所：我練習(xí)投射自己的工具，我希望每個(gè)人——父母、兄弟姐妹、朋友或節(jié)目的粉絲——都能看到。”
 
Jinger was afraid of a lot as a kid—thunder, tornadoes, terminal illnesses striking her family, car crashes, snakes—"but," she writes, "by the time I was fourteen, my worst, most all-consuming fear was the fear of what others thought of me."
靜兒小時(shí)候害怕很多東西——雷聲、龍卷風(fēng)、襲擊她家人的絕癥、車(chē)禍、蛇——“但是，”她寫(xiě)道，“到我十四歲的時(shí)候，我最害怕、最徹底的恐懼是害怕別人對(duì)我的看法。”
 

 
Battling an Eating Disorder in Her Early Teens
在她十幾歲的時(shí)候就與飲食失調(diào)作斗爭(zhēng)
 
"Convinced my body was an embarrassment, I ate very little," Jinger writes. "I'd go days hardly consuming any calories. My weight dropped, but my body image didn't improve. It almost never does in those situations because the weight isn't the problem. No matter how thin I was, I wasn't satisfied with the way I looked. This obsession with body image was terrible for my physical health and it certainly wasn't good for me spiritually."
“確信我的身體是一種尷尬，我吃得很少，”靜格寫(xiě)道。“我會(huì)好幾天幾乎不消耗任何卡路里。我的體重下降了，但我的身體形象沒(méi)有改善。在那些情況下它幾乎從來(lái)沒(méi)有改善，因?yàn)轶w重不是問(wèn)題。無(wú)論我有多瘦，我都不是'對(duì)我的外表不滿(mǎn)意。這種對(duì)身體形象的癡迷對(duì)我的身體健康很糟糕，而且在精神上肯定對(duì)我不利。”
 
She credits her mom, Michelle Duggar—who, Jinger writes, told her that she, too, had struggled with eating issues when she was her daughter's age—for helping her get out of that toxic headspace and make sure she was eating balanced meals and not exercising excessively. (Michelle spoke in 2014 about battling bulimia as a teen, having given her blessing to her daughters to share her story in their 2014 book Growing Up Duggar.)
她認(rèn)為她的媽媽Michelle Duggar ——Jinger 寫(xiě)道，她告訴她，在她女兒這個(gè)年紀(jì)時(shí)，她也曾與飲食問(wèn)題作斗爭(zhēng)——幫助她擺脫了有毒的頂空，并確保她飲食均衡，不要過(guò)度運(yùn)動(dòng)。（米歇爾在 2014 年談到了作為青少年與貪食癥作斗爭(zhēng)，并祝福她的女兒們?cè)谒齻?2014 年的書(shū) Growing Up Duggar中分享她的故事。）
 
"I felt no judgment from her, just love and care," Jinger recalls. "I knew I was going to be okay because she had been through it."
“我沒(méi)有感受到她的評(píng)判，只有愛(ài)和關(guān)懷，”靜兒回憶道。“我知道我會(huì)沒(méi)事的，因?yàn)樗呀?jīng)經(jīng)歷過(guò)了。”
 
 

 
The Pressures of Courtship
求愛(ài)的壓力
 
Jinger recalls that "from the moment" she and Jeremy started talking on the phone, "there was an expectation of marriage."
Jinger 回憶說(shuō)，“從那一刻起”她和 Jeremy 開(kāi)始通電話(huà)，“就有了結(jié)婚的期待。”
 
But such was the nature of courtship, which was one of the social rituals mandated by the Institute in Basic Life Principles, whose teachings Jinger grew up with and touted alongside sisters Jana, Jill and Jessa in their 2014 book Growing Up Duggar.
但這就是求愛(ài)的本質(zhì)，這是基本生活原則研究所規(guī)定的社會(huì)儀式之一，Jinger 的教義與 Jana、Jill 和 Jessa 姐妹一起長(zhǎng)大，并在她們 2014 年的書(shū) Growing Up Duggar 中受到吹捧。
 
She and Jeremy, also a Christian with a reformed-Baptist pastor father but not a member of IBLP, were not set up by her parents—and the Duggars initially didn't approve of him, so it took five months before their courtship commenced. (Jeremy told Us Weekly in 2021 that Jim Bob Duggar sent him sent him a 50-page questionnaire that included some "intensely personal questions" to get a read on the young man.)
她和杰里米也是基督徒，父親是改革宗浸信會(huì)牧師，但不是 IBLP 的成員，他們不是由她的父母建立的——達(dá)格夫婦最初不贊成他，所以他們花了五個(gè)月才開(kāi)始求愛(ài)。 （杰里米在 2021 年告訴《美國(guó)周刊》，吉姆·鮑勃·杜加 (Jim Bob Duggar) 給他發(fā)了一份 50 頁(yè)的問(wèn)卷，其中包括一些“非常私人的問(wèn)題”，以了解這個(gè)年輕人。）
 
Afraid of having a "dating spirit" that would lead to impure thoughts or otherwise astray from her righteous path, Jinger recalls not even telling her sisters she liked Jeremy—so when he asked Jessa if Jinger had talked about him...she hadn't.
害怕有一種“約會(huì)精神”會(huì)導(dǎo)致思想不純或偏離正道，Jinger 回憶說(shuō)甚至沒(méi)有告訴她的姐妹她喜歡 Jeremy——所以當(dāng)他問(wèn) Jessa Jessa 是否 Jinger 談過(guò)他時(shí)……她沒(méi)有。噸。

 
Quite the Catch
相當(dāng)不錯(cuò)
 
Before Jinger met Jeremy, she writes, "at least 20" and maybe as many as 26 guys asked her dad for permission to court her—including five in one week. But she didn't think all that much of it.
在 Jinger 遇見(jiàn) Jeremy 之前，她寫(xiě)道，“至少有 20 個(gè)”，也許多達(dá) 26 個(gè)男人向她父親請(qǐng)求允許向她求愛(ài)——包括一周內(nèi)有 5 個(gè)。但她并沒(méi)有想那么多。
 
"I hadn't shared more than a passing hello with any of them," she recalls. "I'm guessing a few confused me with one of my sisters. Several had seen the show and decided they wanted to court a Duggar girl. A similar number of guys were interested in each of my sisters."
“我只和他們中的任何一個(gè)打過(guò)招呼，”她回憶道。“我猜有些人把我和我的一個(gè)姐妹弄混了。有幾個(gè)人看過(guò)這個(gè)節(jié)目，并決定要追求一個(gè) Duggar 女孩。同樣數(shù)量的人對(duì)我的每個(gè)姐妹都感興趣。”
 
Jim Bob would ask Jinger and her sisters what they thought and, if they said no, he'd duly relay the message. "I'm not going to lie; it was kind of nice to tell my dad, 'Thanks, but no thanks,' and not have to tell the suitors themselves," she writes.
吉姆鮑勃會(huì)問(wèn)靜兒和她的姐妹們他們的想法，如果他們說(shuō)不，他會(huì)及時(shí)傳達(dá)信息。“我不會(huì)撒謊；很高興告訴我父親，‘謝謝，但不用了’，而不必自己告訴求婚者，”她寫(xiě)道。
 
Jeremy—a college-educated former professional soccer player from Pennsylvania ("He was unlike the previous guys in every way," she writes)—was the last guy to ever ask Jim Bob about courting Jinger. (And Jeremy finally got the answer he was hoping for "after five months of almost weekly conversations with my dad.")
杰里米——一位來(lái)自賓夕法尼亞州的受過(guò)大學(xué)教育的前職業(yè)足球運(yùn)動(dòng)員（“他在各方面都不像以前的人，”她寫(xiě)道）——是最后一個(gè)問(wèn)吉姆鮑勃關(guān)于追求金格的人。（杰里米終于得到了他希望的答案，“在與我父親進(jìn)行了五個(gè)月幾乎每周一次的談話(huà)之后。”）

 
Jessa and Ben Came Through in a Big Way for Jinger and Jeremy
Jessa 和 Ben 對(duì) Jinger 和 Jeremy 的幫助很大
 
Jinger writes of how much she admired the relationship older sister Jessa had with her eventual husband Ben Seewald, whom she married in 2014. In fact, Jinger met her future spouse at an IBLP conference in Big Sandy, Texas, in 2015 not because Jeremy was a member, but because he was there to visit Ben and Jessa.
Jinger 寫(xiě)道，她非常欽佩姐姐 Jessa 與她最終的丈夫Ben Seewald的關(guān)系，她于 2014 年結(jié)婚。事實(shí)上，  Jinger 在 2015 年德克薩斯州大桑迪的 IBLP 會(huì)議上遇到了她未來(lái)的配偶，并不是因?yàn)?Jeremy一個(gè)成員，但因?yàn)樗莵?lái)拜訪(fǎng)本和杰薩的。
 
Once the younger couple were courting, per the book, Ben and Jessa "pulled some strings" to get Jeremy on Jinger's mission trip to Honduras and El Salvador so they could spend serious time together and see if they really had chemistry.
根據(jù)書(shū)中的說(shuō)法，一旦這對(duì)年輕夫婦開(kāi)始求愛(ài)，Ben 和 Jessa“牽線(xiàn)搭橋”讓 Jeremy 參加 Jinger 前往洪都拉斯和薩爾瓦多的宣教之旅，這樣他們就可以認(rèn)真地在一起，看看他們是否真的有化學(xué)反應(yīng)。
 
Ben and Jessa also facilitated Jeremy's surprise visit to Arkansas when they took Jinger out to a Mexican restaurant and, lo and behold, Jeremy showed up with their tray of food. "I'll never forget the shock," Jinger writes, recalling "the sweet visit and at least a few days where we could talk in person rather than over the phone."
Ben 和 Jessa 帶 Jinger 去一家墨西哥餐館時(shí)，杰里米出人意料地訪(fǎng)問(wèn)了阿肯色州，這也促成了杰里米的意外之行，你瞧，杰里米端著他們的食物托盤(pán)出現(xiàn)了。“我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記那種震驚，”靜格寫(xiě)道，回憶起“甜蜜的拜訪(fǎng)，至少有幾天我們可以面對(duì)面交談，而不是通過(guò)電話(huà)交談。”
 
Ultimately they courted for three months and were engaged for another three before marrying on Nov. 5, 2016. They're now parents to daughters Felicity, 4, and Evangeline Jo, 2.  
最終，他們追求了三個(gè)月，并在 2016 年 11 月 5 日結(jié)婚前又訂婚了三個(gè)月。他們現(xiàn)在是 4 歲的女兒 Felicity和2 歲的Evangeline Jo的父母。  
 

 
Disentangling From IBLP
脫離 IBLP
 
Jinger calls IBLP founder Bill Gothard "one of those dangerous teachers" who purports to be preaching the truth about Christianity but is actually teaching "a religion of their own creation."
Jinger 稱(chēng) IBLP 創(chuàng)始人Bill Gothard為“那些危險(xiǎn)的教師之一”，他們聲稱(chēng)宣揚(yáng)基督教的真理，但實(shí)際上是在教導(dǎo)“他們自己創(chuàng)造的宗教”。
 
She once thought he was a "modern-day prophet," she writes, recalling how in one of many thank you notes she wrote him after a visit to IBLP headquarters or a conference, she thanked him for her very existence because he had taught his flock to procreate until they physically couldn't anymore. "If my parents had decided to stop having children when
她曾經(jīng)認(rèn)為他是一位“現(xiàn)代先知”，她寫(xiě)道，回憶起她在訪(fǎng)問(wèn) IBLP 總部或會(huì)議后寫(xiě)給他的許多感謝信中的一封，她感謝他的存在，因?yàn)樗虝?huì)了他成群結(jié)隊(duì)地生育，直到他們身體不能再生育為止。“如果我的父母像大多數(shù)美國(guó)人那樣決定停止生育
 
most Americans did, I wouldn't exist," Jinger reasoned at the time.
，我就不會(huì)存在了，”金格當(dāng)時(shí)推理道。
 
IBLP and Gothard did not respond to E! News' requests for comment.
IBLP 和 Gothard 沒(méi)有回應(yīng) E！新聞的評(píng)論請(qǐng)求。
 
 
Severe Social Anxiety
嚴(yán)重的社交焦慮
 
When Jinger first moved to Texas to be with Jeremy, she started feeling anxious everywhere she went, including church. Determined to meet people, she asked a fellow parishioner to brunch and "cried right up until I left for the restaurant," she writes. Jinger made it through the meal but recalls feeling as if she could have burst into tears at any moment.
當(dāng) Jinger 第一次搬到得克薩斯州與 Jeremy 在一起時(shí)，她到處都感到焦慮，包括教堂。決心與人會(huì)面，她請(qǐng)一位教區(qū)居民吃早午餐，然后“一直哭到我離開(kāi)去餐廳，”她寫(xiě)道。靜兒熬過(guò)了這頓飯，但回憶起自己的感覺(jué)，好像隨時(shí)都會(huì)掉下眼淚。
 
And she did start crying another time when a woman at church just started asking some friendly questions in an effort to get to know her.
還有一次，當(dāng)教堂里的一位女士開(kāi)始問(wèn)一些友好的問(wèn)題以努力了解她時(shí) ，她 確實(shí) 開(kāi)始哭了。
 
"The pressure of figuring out what to say, combined with the fear of saying the wrong thing, became overwhelming," she writes. "I couldn't keep back the tears...Moments like that almost didn't feel real. They were more like out-of-body experiences. They weren't who I thought I was."
“弄清楚該說(shuō)什么的壓力，再加上害怕說(shuō)錯(cuò)話(huà)，變得勢(shì)不可擋，”她寫(xiě)道。“我忍不住流下了眼淚……這樣的時(shí)刻幾乎感覺(jué)不到真實(shí)。它們更像是靈魂出竅的體驗(yàn)。它們不是我想的那樣。”
 
Jinger realized that she'd done almost everything in her life either as part of a familial unit, with at least one parent or sibling around her at all times, or with her husband, and was "rarely in isolated social settings," she writes. When she was with a person she'd just met, "I didn't know who I was, either, so I'd try to adapt to the other person's personality—or I'd freeze."
Jinger 意識(shí)到她在生活中所做的幾乎所有事情都是作為家庭單位的一部分，至少有一個(gè)父母或兄弟姐妹始終在她身邊，或者與她的丈夫一起，并且“很少在孤立的社交環(huán)境中，”她寫(xiě)道. 當(dāng)她和一個(gè)她剛認(rèn)識(shí)的人在一起時(shí)，“我也不知道自己是誰(shuí)，所以我會(huì)努力適應(yīng)對(duì)方的性格——否則我會(huì)僵住。”
 
She ties it to the impression she got from Gothard's seminars, that it was a woman's "job to be agreeable and encouraging. Many of the women I interacted with seemed to make a point to avoid any topic that might lead to conflict. They didn't want to express their opinions. They didn't want to talk about their own likes and dislikes; interests and hobbies."
她將這與她從 Gothard 的研討會(huì)上得到的印象聯(lián)系起來(lái)，即女性的“工作是令人愉快和鼓舞人心。與我互動(dòng)的許多女性似乎都強(qiáng)調(diào)要避免任何可能導(dǎo)致沖突的話(huà)題。她們沒(méi)有”不想表達(dá)他們的意見(jiàn)。他們不想談?wù)撟约旱暮脨?；興趣和愛(ài)好。
 
On one occasion, she remembers, she found a piece of glass in her food at a restaurant and didn't even tell the staff. "I smiled and said it was no big deal," Jinger writes. "That's a small example of an attitude I carried with me and struggle with to this day. I assume that I must be happy and see everything in a positive light, even if there's glass in my food."
她記得有一次，她在一家餐館的食物中發(fā)現(xiàn)了一塊玻璃，甚至沒(méi)有告訴工作人員。“我笑著說(shuō)這沒(méi)什么大不了的，”靜兒寫(xiě)道。“這是我一直堅(jiān)持并為之奮斗至今的態(tài)度的一個(gè)小例子。我認(rèn)為我必須快樂(lè)并且以積極的眼光看待一切，即使我的食物中有玻璃。”
 
This Is Not Me and What You're Saying Isn't You
這不是我，你說(shuō)的不是你
 
Gothard preached that if wives were too opinionated, their husbands would seek out other women "for support and submission," Jinger writes.
哥特哈德鼓吹說(shuō)，如果妻子太固執(zhí)己見(jiàn)，她們的丈夫就會(huì)尋求其他女性“支持和服從”，金格寫(xiě)道。
 
She couldn't help but have that and the rest of the IBLP leader's teachings on her mind as she embarked on marriage to Jeremy, and she admits that during their first year in Laredo as husband and wife she "acted like I was the one responsible for my husband's happiness and fidelity to me. For my entire life, I'd been taught that when I married, I needed to perform for my husband."
當(dāng)她開(kāi)始與 Jeremy 結(jié)婚時(shí)，她情不自禁地想到了這一點(diǎn)以及 IBLP 領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人的其他教導(dǎo)，她承認(rèn)，在他們作為夫妻在拉雷多的第一年，她“表現(xiàn)得好像我是負(fù)責(zé)人為了我丈夫的幸福和對(duì)我的忠誠(chéng)。在我的一生中，我一直被教導(dǎo)說(shuō)，當(dāng)我結(jié)婚時(shí)，我需要為我的丈夫表演。”

In turn, "I never expressed an opinion" that year, she writes, even though Jeremy obviously wanted to know what she was thinking, telling her more than once, "'Jing, you're not a Stepford wife.'"
反過(guò)來(lái)，那一年“我從未表達(dá)過(guò)意見(jiàn)”，她寫(xiě)道，盡管杰里米顯然想知道她在想什么，不止一次告訴她，“‘靜，你不是 Stepford 的妻子。’”
 
To which she replied the first time, "What's a Stepford wife?"
她第一次回答說(shuō)：“什么是 Stepford 的妻子？”
 
 
Remembering "Gothard's Girls"
記住“哥達(dá)的女孩”
 
Jinger recalls laughing with her sisters at the mall while trying on a blonde wig as they joked about "being ready for headquarters."
靜兒回憶起在購(gòu)物中心和姐妹們?cè)嚧鹘鹕侔l(fā)時(shí)一起笑，她們開(kāi)玩笑說(shuō)“準(zhǔn)備好去總部了”。

Meaning, she writes, that the blonde hair made them look like "Gothard's Girls": Girls and young women, most with "long hair, big smiles and petite body types," many from single-parent homes "without a father or grandfather to guide and protect them," who worked at IBLP headquarters in Hillsdale, Ill.
她寫(xiě)道，意思是金發(fā)使她們看起來(lái)像“哥達(dá)女孩”：女孩和年輕女性，大多數(shù)“長(zhǎng)發(fā)、燦爛的笑容和嬌小的身材”，許多來(lái)自單親家庭“沒(méi)有父親或祖父指導(dǎo)和保護(hù)他們，”他在伊利諾伊州希爾斯代爾的 IBLP 總部工作。
 
"For us, this wasn't more than an odd quirk of our little world," Jinger writes. "Now, after everything that's happened over the past 10 years, I realize the joke wasn't funny."
“對(duì)我們來(lái)說(shuō)，這只不過(guò)是我們這個(gè)小世界的一個(gè)怪癖，”靜格寫(xiě)道。“現(xiàn)在，在過(guò)去 10 年發(fā)生的一切之后，我意識(shí)到這個(gè)笑話(huà)并不好笑。”
 
Gothard would invite a girl to talk, she explains, and after awhile he'd "rub the women's feet and hold their hands, both of which were strictly forbidden between a man and woman who were not married. A lot of Gothard's girls have said that Gothard would touch them inappropriately or engage in explicitly sexual activity. Ten of those ladies filed a lawsuit against Gothard in 2016."
Gothard 會(huì)邀請(qǐng)一個(gè)女孩談話(huà)，她解釋說(shuō)，過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，他會(huì)“搓女人的腳并握住她們的手，這兩種行為在未婚男女之間都是嚴(yán)格禁止的。Gothard 的很多女孩都說(shuō)Gothard 會(huì)不恰當(dāng)?shù)赜|摸她們或從事明顯的性活動(dòng)。其中 10 名女士在 2016 年對(duì) Gothard 提起訴訟。”
 
He resigned from the IBLP board in March 2014 amid a review by outside legal counsel into allegations he had sexually harassed and molested women. In June 2014, IBLP stated the investigation determined Gothard "acted in an inappropriate manner" but didn't commit criminal acts. (Gothard said in a since-deleted statement, "My actions of holding of hands, hugs, and touching of feet or hair with young ladies crossed the boundaries of discretion and were wrong.")
2014 年 3 月，在外部法律顧問(wèn)對(duì)他性騷擾和猥褻婦女的指控進(jìn)行審查后，他從 IBLP 董事會(huì)辭職。2014 年 6 月，IBLP 表示，調(diào)查確定 Gothard“行為不當(dāng)”，但并未實(shí)施犯罪行為。（Gothard 在一份后來(lái)被刪除的聲明中說(shuō)，“我與年輕女士握手、擁抱、觸碰腳或頭發(fā)的行為超出了自由裁量權(quán)的界限，是錯(cuò)誤的。”）
 
The 10 plaintiffs dropped their complaint in 2018, but said in a joint statement to Recovering Grace, "We want to make it abundantly clear that by dismissing our lawsuit at this time, we are not recanting our experiences or dismissing the incalculable damage that we believe Gothard has done by his actions and certain teachings. Nor are we disregarding that his organization chose to protect themselves instead of those under their care."
10 名原告在 2018 年放棄了他們的申訴，但在Recovering Grace 的一份聯(lián)合聲明中表示，“我們想非常清楚地表明，此時(shí)駁回我們的訴訟，我們并不是要放棄我們的經(jīng)歷，也不是要否認(rèn)我們認(rèn)為造成的無(wú)法估量的損失哥特哈德通過(guò)他的行為和某些教義做到了。我們也沒(méi)有忽視他的組織選擇保護(hù)自己而不是他們所照顧的人。
 
Gothard, now 88, has denied any wrongdoing, stating on his website that the same women who accused him of sexual misconduct "had written marvelous letters of gratefulness to me during those 20 years, thanking me for 'being their best friend,' 'bringing about the turning point" in their lives, and "giving them help and encouragement" that they will always remember. There was never a hint of harassment because there was none."
現(xiàn)年 88 歲的 Gothard 否認(rèn)有任何不當(dāng)行為，并在他的網(wǎng)站上 表示，那些指控他性行為不端的女性“在這 20 年里給我寫(xiě)了很多感謝信，感謝我‘成為她們最好的朋友’，‘帶來(lái)關(guān)于他們?nèi)松霓D(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)”，以及他們永遠(yuǎn)銘記的“給他們幫助和鼓勵(lì)”。從來(lái)沒(méi)有騷擾的跡象，因?yàn)楦緵](méi)有。”
 

 
Praying for Josh Duggar
為喬什·達(dá)格祈禱
 
Jim Bob and Michelle's eldest child, Josh Duggar, 34, is currently serving a 12-year prison sentence after being convicted in December 2021 of receiving child pornography.
吉姆·鮑勃 (Jim Bob) 和米歇爾 (Michelle) 的長(zhǎng)子Josh Duggar，現(xiàn)年 34 歲，在 2021 年 12 月因接收兒童色情制品 而被定罪后，目前正在服刑12 年。
 
Josh was also found guilty of one count of possessing child porn, but that verdict was vacated before sentencing. The father of seven with wife Anna Duggar pleaded not guilty at trial and appealed his remaining conviction in December in hopes of getting a new trial. The 8th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals is scheduled to hear arguments Feb. 16.
喬什還被判一項(xiàng)持有兒童色情片罪名成立，但該判決在宣判前被撤銷(xiāo)。七個(gè)孩子的父親和妻子Anna Duggar在審判中 不認(rèn)罪，并在 12 月對(duì)他剩余的定罪提出上訴，希望獲得新的審判。第 8 屆美國(guó)巡回上訴法院定于2 月 16 日聽(tīng)取辯論。
 
Jinger writes that she hasn't seen or spoken to her brother in almost two years but continues to pray for him.
靜兒寫(xiě)道，她已經(jīng)將近兩年沒(méi)有見(jiàn)過(guò)她的哥哥，也沒(méi)有和她說(shuō)過(guò)話(huà)，但她繼續(xù)為他祈禱。
 
"One of the hardest realities in my life is that my brother Josh very publicly displayed some of the same hypocrisy as Gothard," she writes. "He used his platform, and even his job at the Family Research Council, to promote some of the same ideas Gothard taught. But while he looked the part in so many ways, the true Josh appears to be much different. He was living a lie."
“我生命中最艱難的現(xiàn)實(shí)之一是，我的兄弟喬希非常公開(kāi)地表現(xiàn)出與哥達(dá)一樣的虛偽，”她寫(xiě)道。“他利用自己的平臺(tái)，甚至是他在家庭研究委員會(huì)的工作，來(lái)推廣 Gothard 教授的一些相同想法。但是，盡管他從很多方面來(lái)看這個(gè)角色，但真正的喬希似乎大不相同。他過(guò)著說(shuō)謊。”